Chronic pain dating
"Be aware that you can manifest pain purposefully by talking about your pain, or manifest pain indirectly through facial expression, or body language." After some fraught years, the Champneys' relationship is back on solid ground as a result of effective treatment for Athena's fibromyalgia, some basic education about the condition, better communication, and a healthy -- though unforeseen -- dose of empathy.In 2007, Adam Champneys developed an excruciating kidney stone, which, he says, helped him understand and empathize with his wife's pain.Women like Champneys have long been told that the pain is "all in their head," a message that their partners have sometimes taken to heart as well.
People in pain should realize that they might be signaling anger or distress "even when [they] think [they] are doing a good job hiding the pain," she says."I was in so much pain that I couldn't bend over to put on my own shoes or socks," recalls Champneys, who lives in Salt Lake City, Utah."And my husband was like, 'You've got to be kidding me! '" Fibromyalgia affects an estimated 5 million Americans (80 to 90 percent of them women), but until relatively recently many doctors have pooh-poohed the condition.In Cano's new study, the spouse who was in pain sometimes simply wanted emotional support."They weren't necessarily looking for the spouse to do more chores, they just wanted their emotional distress to be accepted by their partner and they wanted to feel like their partners understood and listened to them," she says.
If spouses in pain consistently feel that they deserve more special care and attention than they are receiving, says Cano, "this mismatch of attitudes can certainly cause problems in couples and can spill over into other areas of disagreement, like financial decisions and decisions about how to spend leisure time." The potential for pain-related discord to spread into the rest of the relationship has been well documented, according to Geisser.